Places to call Home
( Originally posted July 12 2018)
The world over, in every town and city there are famous households. They stand as a testament to the people, the Stewards that once called them home. Tourists travel the world over to enter these buildings in hopes of glimpsing, if only for an hour or so, the lives of people like Nostradamus, William Lyon Mackenzie and Abraham Lincoln. What is it about these homes that people hope to experience? I wonder if these famous people saw them as friends, as I do?
I concede it’s a little easier for me to understand, for I believe that every building lives. Yes, there are spirits, entities, and people that exist within these spaces, yet I am talking more particularly about the spirit of any building, and in this case, a home. Having moved many times, I have said goodbye to many loving spaces, and now as I prepare to move to Costa Rica, I am going through my exit patterns again. This time has been fascinating, for I find myself asking, what am I saying goodbye to?
Amazingly, in the past month, the sale of two houses very important to me closed. One was a dear friend’s home in Ottawa, the other my brother’s home in Toronto. Both homes were full of character, were well known for their street presence and built in the 1800s.
As I left the Toronto home for the last time, I opened the garage door and looked into the alley I had seen 100’s of times before. I looked to the same spot where years before my favourite picture of my daughter was taken.
Just a week before, I walked through the Ottawa home and was reminded of the first time I’d seen it, some 20 years before my friend moved in. In both cases, I walked inside of the homes so I could say goodbye properly because both of these houses felt like a home to me.
Most of us move into a dwelling that “feels right”. It is an initial response, like meeting someone for the first time. We immediately know when the right home is our home. We will move mountains, take on seemingly impossible debts and even forego some creature comforts to live there. We tell ourselves, “Why would I need to go out when I love being here?” It is very much like falling in love. In fact, how many times have you heard someone talk of their home and say, “I love this place!”
As I watched these Stewards prepare “their” homes for another, to separate their lives from the house’s ongoing story, their actions were very similar to the ending of a friend relationship. There were moments of frustrations and longing looks at a particular aspect of the home.
Was the sadness I was feeling the house’s, the stewards or mine? I know there are many experiences, laughter, heartfelt conversations that have occurred within the walls. Was I feeling these stories? It is an easy step to see how a house bears witness to the lives that are within it, so when I suggest that a house is alive, what am I talking about? Is a house just a collection of walls and floors? I am not so sure. I believe there is a collective presence that I have made friends with.
In my real estate and renovation days, there was a renovation phrase called “gutting a house.” I would cringe back then, and I cringe even now. To “gut” something is to remove its inner workings and strip it of life like a fish. For a house, that means those walls and their stories, floors that supported millions of footsteps are removed. Would you gut a church? If you sensed a level of discomfort with this last paragraph, I am comfortable that you see homes as living spaces as well, and yes, the double meaning was intended.
Watch people as they walk through famous homes. Notice how they energetically probe the space and touch the walls seeking snippets of energy from the noted former steward. Those Stewards left for good reasons. There are times when we must move on, leave our friends. I smiled as my friend and brother’s homes were removed of the “things” that made them special for their stewards. All the decorating and styling preferences were washed with white paint, removed furniture, and moved in staging furniture. It is easy to see this as a distancing, a softening of the departure energy. Both the steward and home preparing for a new Steward. I smiled because it was so obvious to see it was easier for the steward to leave when it no longer felt like their home.
Leaving these two homes felt like walking away from a friend. As my friend and brother, I know I will drive by these stately houses, these old friends. I will see what changes were made and look for what is similar. I know they will take on the characteristics of their new relationship. I am confident that I will secretly hope these homes look happy to me, then like two former lovers passing by on the street, we will glance over our shoulders at each other, one last look. Now I ask you, are you sure these spaces aren’t alive or am I just anthropomorphizing wood, brick and windows?
I am in the final act of packing up my home, putting into storage “my stuff.” While I loved this home, I knew my time here would be short. Still, this home has endeared itself to me. These other two older homes seem to be telling me more, though. They seem to be speaking of my short roots. I am, by nature, a traveller out in the world. I find it hard to settle down. With these three homes packed, it would seem that my anchors are being pulled up again. It would seem there is only one anchor spot left, my Mother’s home. We spoke yesterday, and she is preparing to leave her home of twenty-plus years.
Am I nostalgic, yes of course I am. It is my hope this rambling musing inspires you to share appreciation with your home space. Touch the walls and let it know how you feel. Smudge your home. Place a shrine or altar within it, for it. Have regular clearing ceremonies and share with this space how much you care. Laugh at those wonderful times you had shared within it and offered Gratitude and Thanks for when it provided a safe harbour for you. Your home is the one place in the world where you can step inside, close the door and leave outside, outside. It is the one place where you can relax. Listen to it, hear it saying, “You are safe, I have you.”
These places we live in are vibrant and have energy. Please free yourself from taking them for granted. If you have any doubts about this, try moving as much as I do, you will soon see they are friends that help you celebrate life. When you do, your life will be richer for knowing this.
Blessings.